Just To Touch Me
by Firefly01
Summary: To lose Lana would be to fail, to fall in a dark place he knew now he'd never be able to pull himself up from.


**Title**: Just To Touch Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (some sexual references, but nothing explicit)  
**Time-Frame:** Post Sub, before Hydro  
**Disclaimer:** Nothing belongs to me (dammit)  
**Author's Note:** This is a drabble that popped into my head today, and I went ahead and typed it out before it left me. Hope you like it.  
**Synopsis:** To lose Lana would be to fail, to fall in a dark place he knew now he'd never be able to pull himself up from.

Lex peered through the darkness, and set his gaze on Lana's sleeping form. She was curled away from him, like she had been on so many nights recently. If only she understood the panic that it sent through Lex. She gave him a sense of stability that he had never had in his life before, and her innocense and purity cleansed him of past wrongs and any future ones he was sure to commit. To lose Lana would be to fail, to fall in a dark place he knew now he'd never be able to pull himself up from.

As much as he hated his father and what he did to his mother, Lex wondered how he held onto her for so long. What did he say to her? How did he keep her from leaving even though she must have wanted to? A hard ball of terror settled in his chest at the thought of Lana leaving. She loved him, she'd said as much, but when he proposed marriage to her, a shadow crossed her face and she hadn't given him an answer. A few months prior, Lex was sure that getting Lana pregnant was the key to keeping her by his side forever, but now he wasn't so sure. He kept an aire of confidence, and told her to take all the time she needed, when really all he wanted was to fall at his knees and beg.

Please. Please don't leave me. Love you so much.

He watched her body's rise and fall of easy breathing and wondered if she was asleep. She'd moved only a few minutes ago, a small shuffling motion, so he couldn't be sure. He looked closer and saw that one of her hands was close to her face, while the other was somewhere under her pillow. It was this hand he felt for, and finding it, he covered her warm hand with his cold one, and waited. It had become their unspoken signal to touch hands in the dark when one needed the other. If she would only move her fingers against his, he knew she would let him inside her.

With her uncertainty, had come distance. She shied away from his touch, and even though he felt she would yield if he forced her, he couldn't do that. Things were too fragile, and as had become their custom, Lex waited for her. Sending her to Amsterdam had been an attempt to make her miss him, and it was successful, but only temporarily. He couldn't keep sending her away. He needed her too much, and one of these times she might begin to like the idea.

If any woman ever equated sex with love, certainly Lana must. She'd waited so long, smoldered for months before finally allowing herself to burn on the night they first made love. Lex had been with many passionate women, the kind who wanted sex so badly they'd almost rape a man to get it, but Lana had been different. She'd awakened with the fury of a sleeping volcano, like he'd always suspected she would. Their first night together was a fusion of passion and love, and didn't end until the sun rose when they finally slept in a tangle on his bed. Of all the women that had come before her, Lana was the only one who'd ever entered his soul.

A jerk snapped Lex to attention. Her index finger had moved briefly, causing Lex to go rigid and hold his breath. Was she dreaming? Was that movement simply an involuntary reaction? He clung to her, silently begging her to move, hanging onto the smallest hope. Was this the day that hope would finally die? Would he wake up to find her ready to say no to his proposal?

Please move. I swear I'll do better, maybe even be who you want me to be. I could still learn, but only from you. Stay, if only for one more day.

As if hearing his pleas, Lana sighed, and gripped his fingers lightly.


End file.
